My mother used to beat the hell out of me when I was 3 years old. At times for no apparent reason. Once we moved back to New York to my grandmother’s house, it happened considerably less.

I remember being 3 years old and locked in a room to cry until my stomach hurt.

I remember being about 13 years old and having my mother launch part of a computer Desk at me from across the room. Yes, it could have killed me at the time. You don’t forget the stuff like that and it doesn’t die easily.

Supposedly being rebellious to them when I finally got out of the house at 18 was something that wasn’t to be expected.

I forgive you Mom, but I don’t forget your actions. That will take years of seperation from you to go away.

There are more horrors, but I’ll save them for the next installment.

I pay my family $135-$160.00 for rent. In exchange - they drug me, and perpetuate my existence here in a perpetual state of mental anguish.

Their excuse - something that happened 12 years ago when I was on drugs. They use this as their revenge therapy for all that they feel that ails them.

They fail to see that my original reason for hoping to leave for Chicago in 1991 and never come back, was my Aunt’s disgusting disregard for care for my Grandfather, a WWII veteran and her subsequent destruction and disrepair of his home, which she remains executor of to this day.

To even begin to describe the horrors she and my parents have wrent regarding arguments over this estate over the past 12 years is absolutely nauseating, and to this day, no one actually resides at the residence, except for a handful of cats, which my aunt feeds weekly so that they can continue to destroy the place.

My aunt is mentally ill, my mother has munchausen syndrome, and neither go cared for, while I am stuck in the middle of it being drugged by a family who does not meet my needs, or fulfill my best interests.

I have remained silent about this until now out of fear, but now that I own this “web estate” I am no longer afraid to speak my mind. This will be here long after I retire, am murdered, or am subsequently silenced for speaking out against them. They cannot reach the inner spaces that they do not understand.

I am not, nor have I ever been suicidal, with intent to harm either myself, or others.

I find myself in a position where I am constantly aggravated by my girlfriend because she lies all the time about where and when she is going to be, and expects at the same time that I am going to continue to pursue her.

I want nothing at all to do with this lying controlling behavior. I am a 33 year old man with a real 33 year old man’s needs. She is 28 and apparently has more loyalty to my family than she has to me.

What she is beginning to fail to realize, is that this isn’t going to go on much longer. I am not going to allow her to put shackles on me and keep me from meeting new people who can potentially extend my ability to meet my needs. She is not meeting them, and it has been painfully apparent to me for years.

a) its been nearly a year since I’ve received so much as a good night kiss.

b) I am not looking for a platonic relationship.

c) I am straight and am going to keep my options open until I am shown the type of relationship that meets a 33 year old man’s needs.

d) she doesn’t have faith. Faith is important in a relationship.

e) she supports gay rights - which I feel are detrimental to society on a wholesale level. while I cannot fault people for their viewpoints / or affectations, I will not support changing laws to make them easier to practice their abominations.

As a straight American Male of Mohawk descent, I feel I am wasting my time with this girl and I feel I am being manipulated into being something I am not. I refuse to allow this to happen, and I will continue to seek women who are into SHARING not only their personalities, but their faiths, and their hope to SOME DAY be married to a straight American Male of Mohawk descent.

God bless her and may she find her way to him, but I can’t take the mental water torture another minute.

Before I harm myself further, I am going to have to divorce myself of all activities with her.